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Nooooooooo.
And any night. I patrol every night.
And any night. I patrol every night.
No breaks.
[ Maybe if she doesn't mention the other people, he'll forget about it. Or pretend to forget about it, since he's not actually going to forget about it. ]
[ Maybe if she doesn't mention the other people, he'll forget about it. Or pretend to forget about it, since he's not actually going to forget about it. ]
[ If there is an RSVP card, she will RSVP. If not, Arthur will receive a simple message of 'I'll be there' signed with a C. ]
[ She turns on the video because she knows it will be easier for Cass that way, but she can't quite make herself look at the screen. She still feels so guilty, and now she feels guilty for poking at this particular wound. ]
Hey, so... I got this thing. [ The memory share visor is in her hands - the screen is purple, of course. ] And I know we haven't really talked about it, but I owe you an explanation, for... disappearing, after the gang war.
This would be easier, for me. [ She wouldn't have to try to keep talking while going over some really painful memories. ] But the thing is, it isn't pretty. So if you don't want to know, or if you want to just move on, that's fine. I just thought I'd offer.
Hey, so... I got this thing. [ The memory share visor is in her hands - the screen is purple, of course. ] And I know we haven't really talked about it, but I owe you an explanation, for... disappearing, after the gang war.
This would be easier, for me. [ She wouldn't have to try to keep talking while going over some really painful memories. ] But the thing is, it isn't pretty. So if you don't want to know, or if you want to just move on, that's fine. I just thought I'd offer.
[ She isn't sure she wants Stephanie to see her while she answers but she's better with her voice than with text. ]
I want to know.
I want to know.
[ Well that's... unexpected, but it makes sense. Okay. She takes a deep breath. ]
Alright, I'll upload it.
Alright, I'll upload it.
[ She'd tried to... make a point but she hadn't used enough words. She always feels like she doesn't use enough but more always seems to dilute the point. ]
If you want to. If you don't want to.
But I want to know. However you want to.
If you want to. If you don't want to.
But I want to know. However you want to.
[ Steph understands, but she really isn't sure how to communicate how all of this makes her feel. Revisiting those memories is bad enough for her. How much worse is it going to be for Cass? She doesn't want to cause her friend more pain than she already has.
She takes a deep breath and lets it out. They'll get through this. ]
I'm uploading it. And I'm sorry.
[ This is going to hurt. ]
She takes a deep breath and lets it out. They'll get through this. ]
I'm uploading it. And I'm sorry.
[ This is going to hurt. ]
Did you get what you needed?
Did your spirit return?
Did your spirit return?
[ She shrugs. It's a complicated question. She was never really the same again after she "died", but she did have spirit. She grew into someone new, someone as whole and valuable as the person she lost. ]
I came back, I picked up the pieces. I was Spoiler again. So yeah, I guess I got what I needed.
I came back, I picked up the pieces. I was Spoiler again. So yeah, I guess I got what I needed.
Do you think it was worth it?
[ That's really what she wants to know. What she needs to know? ]
[ That's really what she wants to know. What she needs to know? ]
[ She knows the true answer, but debates for a moment over whether or not to give it. ]
No.
I'm not going to tell you it was a good decision, or a right one. It hurt a lot of people, me included. But you have to understand, I wasn't looking for a solution. I was looking for a way out. Even a bad one.
No.
I'm not going to tell you it was a good decision, or a right one. It hurt a lot of people, me included. But you have to understand, I wasn't looking for a solution. I was looking for a way out. Even a bad one.
Do you think I'm going to be mad at you? Or feel betrayed? Do you think I feel hurt by what you did?
I--
[ She sighs, runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't know what she expects. She just knows how much ill will Tim harbored over this, and how for so long she felt like maybe it would have been better if she had just stayed dead. ]
I don't know, Cass. I let you think I was dead. I can't imagine that feels good. I should have talked to you, or Tim, or anyone. Instead I just ran.
[ She sighs, runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't know what she expects. She just knows how much ill will Tim harbored over this, and how for so long she felt like maybe it would have been better if she had just stayed dead. ]
I don't know, Cass. I let you think I was dead. I can't imagine that feels good. I should have talked to you, or Tim, or anyone. Instead I just ran.
[ She isn't sure what she'd have said before this moment, or if she was in the timeline with Stephanie. But where she is, where she's from, Stephanie is too freshly gone for her to feel anything but relief and joy. She got to feel what Steph felt in that memory and that means she got to understand in a way she seldom feels like she does for thing as conflicted as Stephanie was. That empathy is a strong argument for her. ]
I'm just glad you're not dead.
I'd rather you ran than you were dead.
Even gone, you... you saved me at one of my darkest moments.
I never wanted to punish you for going away.
I just wanted you to come back.
I don't even know how to be mad.
I'm just glad you're not dead.
I'd rather you ran than you were dead.
Even gone, you... you saved me at one of my darkest moments.
I never wanted to punish you for going away.
I just wanted you to come back.
I don't even know how to be mad.
[ She's surprised to feel just the slightest bit of wetness at the corner of her eye. She rubs it away with a small smile. There's so much hurt back there, only a couple of years in her past. But Cass is her best friend, and she always will be. ]
I'm glad. I'm glad I could do that for you. I'm just sorry I never gave you the chance to do the same for me.
I'm glad. I'm glad I could do that for you. I'm just sorry I never gave you the chance to do the same for me.
I probably couldn't have helped.
I'm
Everything you ran away from.
What you did made sense.
I'm
Everything you ran away from.
What you did made sense.
[ She shakes her head, still smiling. ]
Someone who cares about me, who could make me feel better? Someone to keep me safe, and stop me from doing anything stupid? It's a terrible kind of sense.
Someone who cares about me, who could make me feel better? Someone to keep me safe, and stop me from doing anything stupid? It's a terrible kind of sense.
Are you still mad at yourself?
[ Her voice is soft, questioning, but gently. Even if she can see the smiling, she can see more in the video and it makes this whole thing feel very fragile. Not like something she could break, but a moment she could drop the ball on. ]
[ Her voice is soft, questioning, but gently. Even if she can see the smiling, she can see more in the video and it makes this whole thing feel very fragile. Not like something she could break, but a moment she could drop the ball on. ]
I'm-- [ She wants to say she's not mad, just ashamed. But it's kind of the same thing. ] Yeah.
I'm not sure Tim ever forgave me for leaving. I stopped asking.
[ And nobody has ever asked her about her reasons. She always just assumed they felt the same way Tim did. ]
I'm not sure Tim ever forgave me for leaving. I stopped asking.
[ And nobody has ever asked her about her reasons. She always just assumed they felt the same way Tim did. ]
Tim was here. He might still be here. But we haven't spoken. I just saw him on the network.
But I hope you came back to talk to me. When you're from.
But I hope you came back to talk to me. When you're from.
I was going to, but you were always busy with one thing or another. I never got the chance. Then when we moved in together it had been so long, I guess neither of us wanted to bring it up.
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